Do you like having difficult conversations with your teammates? Most dentists—and most people—don’t. I look at those moments as opportunities for the practice to grow and for my relationships with teammates to deepen. I always find that when things are going smoothly, I don’t really learn anything or grow. Surgically, I learn more from my complications than my successes because complications force me to see what I could have done differently. The same is true with teammates.

Most dentists don’t like having these conversations because they’re painful and require time. We often sweep them under the rug or delegate them to someone else. But I’ve found that in the most successful businesses, the leaders are the ones having those conversations with everyone. Great CEOs, for example, walk the floor and engage with everyone, no matter their role. Danny Meyer, one of my mentors and someone I greatly admire for his work in the hospitality industry, exemplifies this. Despite running a billion-dollar business like Shake Shack, he still takes the time to talk to waitstaff, busboys, and others. If a customer has a complaint, he might personally call or email them. That’s what the greats do—they have the difficult conversations.

I want to share a formula I use to approach difficult conversations. The first step is to give my teammates permission to come to me with any problem. I see myself as a “super problem-solver.” I like the challenge of creating solutions because it helps the business grow and removes ambiguity, which I dislike. Avoiding issues doesn’t help anyone. Addressing problems head-on allows me to create solutions that elevate both the practice and my relationships.

When I think about relationships in my life that aren’t going well, it’s not because of fights—it’s because we aren’t communicating. Every day, I assess my team, asking myself, “Is this relationship okay? Is this person happy?” I check in with them, even if they’re hesitant to have tough conversations. I revisit those discussions until we address what needs to be said. Over the years, I’ve witnessed incredible growth in my teammates, both personally and professionally. Some have gone on to medical school, dental school, or nursing school. Others have left unhealthy relationships for healthier ones. These changes often stem from honest, integrity-driven conversations.

The formula I use for these discussions is called the Experience Transformer, which I learned from Strategic Coach and Dan Sullivan. Tony Robbins also introduced me to a similar concept through his teachings. I sit down with the person involved and first describe what happened, often using a form to document it. Then, we identify the cause of the issue and discuss the positive outcomes that resulted from it. Finally, we examine each person’s role in the problem. This step is crucial but challenging because it requires accountability.

For example, if someone says, “I wasn’t given the authority to do the right thing,” we dig deeper to understand their part in the issue. Sometimes, they had no control over the situation, like a safe falling on their head. But even in such cases, there might have been warning signs they missed. I believe we all have a role in every problem that occurs. By identifying these roles, we can develop synergistic solutions that prevent future issues.

This approach applies to everything, from running out of nitrous oxide during surgery to managing complex team dynamics. In our practice, we’ve implemented systems to minimize errors, but even with backup systems and logs in place, mistakes can happen. When they do, I see them as opportunities to improve.

With a team of 20–25 employees, 11,000 patients, multiple treatment rooms, and thousands of emails and phone calls daily, the potential for mistakes is enormous. Yet, they rarely occur, which is amazing. When something does go wrong, it’s critical to address it through difficult conversations. If I—or someone else—avoids these conversations, the practice will suffer.

I’ve become a bit of a connoisseur of customer service, noticing inefficiencies everywhere—from restaurants to airlines. For example, I recently waited 25 minutes for a bagel in New York City because the system behind the counter wasn’t working efficiently. Little details like that matter.

In dentistry, we’re not just in the dental business; we’re in the business of creating exceptional experiences. Patients don’t just remember how well their crown margin fit—they remember the warm towel, the smile, and being treated as an individual. Difficult conversations with your team impact far more than just that one relationship—they shape the culture and success of your entire practice.

Be a gift. Have a great day.