Want to Get Out of a Bad Mood? Try This

Do you want to know how to get out of a bad mood? I mean, I'd love to have that success at getting out of a bad mood every day, but sometimes I can't. But it's pretty simple: be nice to people.

A number of years ago, I went to a seminar. It was on financial services, and I was there with a friend of mine. I thought it was on practice management, but Harvey Sarnner, who was running the seminar, said, “You know, it was a mistake in the program. It wasn’t on practice management. It was really on retirement planning. But for those of you who want the seminar on practice management, I’ll give it to you: Be nice to people.”

That was about 40 years ago. I listened to that, and I remember it every day—when I go to work, when I go to Starbucks, when I go to the airport, when I talk to friends, when I talk to the person who cuts my lawn, when I talk to the guy who cuts my hair—anybody in my life. I try to be nice to them. I’m not always nice to them, but it’s really a good recipe for success.

Be the Gift

At the end of every one of these videos, as those of you who have watched me know, I always say, “Be the gift.” Well, being the gift is probably the most important thing I’ve learned over my last 70 years on Earth. And it makes more sense today than it ever has.

Because if I’m not the gift to those I serve—if I’m not the gift to those around me—then I get filled with resentment. Nobody signed a contract with me to act a certain way. When I walk into the gas station or get my car washed, that guy there didn’t sign a contract that he’s going to be really nice to me when he takes my token or washes my car. My team didn’t sign a contract saying they’re going to smile at me when I walk into the office every day. My referral source doesn’t say, “Michael, I appreciate you so much for doing what you do. Thank you.” There’s no contract out there.

Kindness Starts with Letting Go

And all of us, most of the time, get upset with other people—whether it’s a patient, a teammate, a colleague, a family member, someone we work with in a store or financially, or some institution, whether it’s the stock market or global warming—whatever it is, it’s because we feel that they signed a contract that they never signed.

We’re not the directors of the world. We’re just people trying to do our part. And I know what my part is in the world. My part is to be a good doctor, to be there for my patients, to be open and honest, to be vulnerable, to talk to them openly, and to be able to give them the treatment that will make them better.

That is what I do. I do not control whether they’re going to pay their bills, whether they’re going to be there on time, whether they’re going to smile at the end of surgery, etc. That I can’t control. And by giving up that control—because it’s out of my control—it makes my life a lot easier. Because I can only control what I do. I can’t even control what I think, because my thoughts are fleeting. They come and go all the time.

How I Shift My Mood

So how do I get out of a bad mood when I’m sort of in a bad mood? I always think: What’s going on? Why am I in a bad mood? Sometimes I don’t know. Most of the time I can figure it out. It’s usually something very simple, like I got a spot of tomato sauce on my white shirt and I’m about to give a lecture, or I broke my shoelace. It’s usually something pretty simple. Or I’m five minutes late.

And then I acknowledge it. I say, “All right, I wish I didn’t feel this way,” and maybe I’ll talk to somebody else about it. But the most important thing I do is realize: it doesn’t make a difference. What can I do in this moment to make things better?

Here’s the key part: Who can I find to help? Is there somebody that needs my help?

A Privileged Profession

We are very fortunate as healthcare providers. We go to work every day—we basically go to our job—and we get to serve people. We get to make them better. We’re not looking at a computer, an Excel spreadsheet, looking at numbers. That’s not what we’re doing. We’re not painting houses by ourselves in the hot sun. We’re not digging ditches.

We’re working with other human beings that come to us full of fear, full of anxiety, full of a tremendous amount of resentment for whatever is going on in their own life. And we get an opportunity to make them better or make them feel better by giving them the certainty that they’re in the right place.

A Birthday Reminder of What Matters

So I love what I get to do on a daily basis. My team just threw me an unbelievable birthday party. I turned 70 a few weeks ago after 40 years in practice, and a lot of my team members have been with me for over 20 years. I walked into a surprise party where everybody was walking around—20 people—with this [logo] in front of their face.

It was a little freaky, you know, seeing my picture and my face up there. It was like 20 doppelgängers in the room. And they had socks on with my logo. There was a cake with my logo on it. There was a candle with my logo and my picture on it. It was fun.

And you know what? I knew at that point in time that the work I’ve done on the earth with the team that I’m working with is not gone unnoticed. Now, I don’t need the notice. I don’t need the accolades. I’m just happy to live in the moment and do a nice job.

But then I broke down. I started crying because I never expected that my team would put about a month’s worth of work, if not longer, into doing so many events to create a birthday celebration. And this was at 7:45 in the morning before we went to work. We spent a half hour there together.

My picture is still all over the office. This little logo here of my face is in the hygiene room. It’s everywhere. It’s about time we take it down. Some of my patients go, “It’s enough. Turn that around and make it look at the wall.” It’s sort of funny and it’s sort of cute.

But I realize that the love is there. Because that’s what it’s all about. It’s all about love. You want to create a thriving practice, a great life? Just give love to everybody. You don’t have to like everybody, but it is nice to love them all. It’s not easy to do, but it’s something I strive for on a daily basis.

Always Be the Gift

My logo has been there for a long time because it was given to me by a friend of mine out west a number of years ago. He said, “Always be the gift.” And I try to live my life like that—to be the gift. Because when I’m the gift, I receive the gift.

The most selfish thing you can do is to be of service to other people, because it comes right back to you. It’s actually self-serving, which is sort of cool.

A Story from Patagonia

I’ll end with one little story. I was in Patagonia—which is very far from here, fairly close to Antarctica—and there was minimal cell phone service. I was there for about 10 days on vacation with my wife.

I got a phone call from a doctor—Dr. Miles, I’ll call him. That’s his first name. He was calling me about his wife. The phone rings and I see the doctor’s name. I know him well. He’s retired. His wife is my patient. He’s a patient.

My wife says, “You’re not going to take that now. You’re on vacation.” And the first thing I said to myself is, “Not going to take it? I’m dying to take this call. Because if they’re calling me and I’m on vacation, something’s wrong.”

So I picked up the call, and we had good cell service. The fact that I was like 12,000 miles away from where they were calling—in Florida—and they said there was an abscess and a problem with the tooth. I practice in Connecticut. They were in Florida.

I happened to know a doctor—Dr. Craig Misch—who practices in Sarasota, the town they were staying. I said, “I can’t see you, obviously. I’m in Patagonia. And even if I was in the United States, you’d be 1,500 miles away. But please see Dr. Misch.” I gave them his phone number and I texted Dr. Misch and my patient, and I put them in contact with each other.

Dr. Misch and I have been friends for about 30 years. We’ve taught together. He’s a very good guy—a very prominent surgeon and prosthodontist. And you know what he did? He saw them immediately in the office. He took care of their problem and gave them over-the-top customer service. He gave them the same experience they would have had in my office.

That was about six months ago.

Final Thoughts: Kindness Cuts Through the Noise

Yesterday, I was doing a post-operative check on the wife of the dentist who called me in Patagonia. They were over-the-top in terms of compliments. They said, “We’ve never been in an office this nice. We’re so thankful for the service. You even called us from—what was it? Patagonia?”

I said, “I remember.” They said, “You sent us this doctor in Florida who was phenomenal.” I said, “I know.”

They asked, “Who does that?” I said, “Well, maybe people don’t do that. But I look at it as a good way to build the business.” I was sort of joking. I said, “Because when you called, I knew it was an emergency. And if I can call you back within seven minutes—whether it’s a Sunday night or I’m on vacation—it’s an amazing, amazing gift to that patient.”

And that patient will tell that story over and over again. So there’s some marketing for my practice. But more importantly, I got that patient out of pain. And that means a lot to me. It means a lot to the patient. They’ll never forget that.

Since Miles has retired—we didn’t work together when he was in practice—but since he’s retired, he’s referred his whole family to the practice. Now, he thinks I’m a really good surgeon and I’m good at what I do, but he really doesn’t know. Here’s what he does know: He knows how he’s made to feel when he’s in our practice.

He feels safe. He’s cared for. And his wife says, “You know, I walk in here and I immediately get relaxed.” And she’s had a full-mouth rehabilitation. Who gets relaxed walking into a doctor’s office for that?

Anyway, that’s my story about being the gift. I could tell story after story, and I’ve also been on the opposite side—where people were the gift to me. It’s unbelievable.

So be the gift to those you serve. Be the gift to everybody in your life. It’s not easy—because we’re selfish human beings. We’re caught up in ourselves and our own anxiety. We’re caught up in the past that we can’t change. We’re caught up in a future that doesn’t exist.

But by being the gift, we live in the present. And then the future is usually better than we’re going to expect.

Have a great day, everybody.
Remember: Be the gift.