The Feeling of Disconnection

You ever have that feeling where you're all caught up in yourself? You feel disconnected from the world—sad, depressed, angry—whatever it is, they’re never good feelings. I’m usually not like that when I'm with other people. I'm usually like that when I'm by myself—disconnected.

It's very important to be connected with other people if I'm going to have a good life. But sometimes I just don't want to talk to them. Sometimes I just want to isolate. I want to stew. Stew in that feeling of “it's the worst day of my life,” feeling like I have all these resentments, feeling like it's just not working out, feeling like I'm a victim. Whatever it is, it's just not a good feeling. I know that about myself.

Connection Is the Key to Success

I've learned that over the course of my life—the most important thing for me to do is to get connected with other human beings. The most successful people in the world have large networks. They know many people.

If you're going to be a politician, you have to connect with many people to get elected. You know people everywhere. If you're going to be a successful businessman, you have to be connected to many people. You just don't do that in isolation.

If you're going to be a successful healthcare professional, it can't be just you and one patient. It has to be you and the patient, the referral sources, the ancillary people involved—other healthcare providers, maybe a neurologist, maybe an ENT, maybe a psychologist. All these people are important. Think of it like a laboratory to build your business.

You Want to Get Busier? Get Connected

Human connection is important. I talk to a lot of young people who say, “I want to get busier.” I say, then get out there and connect. They respond, “I don’t really know those people.”

Well, we all sort of know each other. There’s a philosophy from a play written many years ago called Change. It’s called “six degrees of separation.” What that means is that we are six relationships away from anybody in the world.

Six Degrees: A Real-Life Example

If I want to meet someone in a small town in the south of France that I don’t know, I’m probably only six people away.

I came up with a little analogy. I actually asked ChatGPT, “Give me an example from my own life.” It said, “Well, you know Danny Meyer because he wrote a blurb for your book Treating People Not Patients.”

Well, Danny Meyer knows Will Guidara, who had a restaurant called Eleven Madison Park. Will Guidara was also friends with the chef there, Daniel Humm. They once did dinner parties for famous people. The third degree—one of those famous people they hosted was Jay-Z. Jay-Z is married to Beyoncé. So I'm only five degrees away—five relationships—from knowing Beyoncé.

I’ve never met her, but I probably could meet her by going down that tree. The same is true for anyone. It could be true for President Clinton. I actually know somebody who knows somebody who knows President Clinton. I've never met him, but I'm only three relationships away.

Donald Trump? I’m only two relationships away. I know my college roommate, who married his secretary who worked for him 45 years ago. So I'm only four relationships away from Donald Trump. Almost everybody in the world—I’m four, five, or six relationships at most away. That’s sort of cool.

Expanding Your Web

That means we have a huge network out there. By connecting with more people, I connect not just with the people I’m directly talking to—but their network. And their network connects to someone else. It's a huge web.

Lessons from the Aspen Tree

I talk about the aspen tree. The aspen tree is the largest organism in the world. We think of these beautiful trees out in Colorado on a ski slope. They can be beautiful aspens. But what you don't know is that they all have an interconnected root system that supports them.

The largest grove of aspen trees is in a place called Pando, Utah. There are 47,000 trees—47,000—with one root system. They have almost 12 tons of weight. The largest organism in the world is an aspen tree—47,000 of them connected.

We’re connected to 8 billion people. We are 5 to 6 degrees away from 8 billion people in the world. You don’t need to go on social media to connect to them either. You just get into your relationships in your town.

Say hello to the bus driver. When you're in Starbucks, talk to the barista. When you go to the restaurant, talk to the people there.

A Missed Opportunity

Now, the restaurant owners don’t know they’re on my favorite list. I have a list in my office of my favorite restaurants in Fairfield, Norwalk, Westport, Bridgeport—my surrounding community. So when new people come to town and they ask, “Do you have a good restaurant?” I just print it out for them. The restaurant owners don’t even know that.

And I've missed a really golden opportunity. I had dinner two nights ago at Martel, a little French bistro in Fairfield. It's owned by a guy named Marty Lavine. Marty and I have known each other for 40 years, but I never told him he was on my list of favorite restaurants.

Many people go to his restaurant and eat there because I’ve given them my list—and his restaurant is on it. He didn’t even know that until two nights ago when I told him.

He asked, “Where am I on the list?” I thought that was sort of funny. I said, “You’re on the list. I don’t rate the list, but you’re on the list.” So he was getting people from me without knowing it. That was like one degree of separation.

I’ve known Marty for 40 years but never really talked to him. I also know his sister, who’s a dentist, and his father, who was a dentist. So there’s a lot of connectivity there between the two of us that he didn’t know about.

The Power of Connection in Practice Growth

I was there with my daughter—my daughter, who’s also a dentist. I asked her, “Have you ever met Marty?” She’s been to Marty’s restaurant probably 30 times but never met him because Marty is not a human connector. He runs a great restaurant, but he’s not really out there connecting with people.

So I called him over. He spent 30 minutes at our table talking to my daughter. Another connection.

And guess what might happen? Maybe Marty is going to become a patient of my daughter. Maybe Marty will refer people to my daughter. Maybe my daughter will refer more people to his restaurant—because of that connection.

A Simple Change I Should Have Made

So what was the mistake I made? I never told Marty he was on my list. If I had told him, he might have said, “Maybe you should see Mike Sonic as a dentist.”

Now, I have the luxury of not needing new patients because I’ve been in practice for 40 years and have a lot of connections. It’s already busy. But if it were early in my career, I should have done that. I should go to all of those restaurants and say, “Hey, you’re on my list.”

That would be another stronger connection.

Treating People, Not Patients

By the way, I wrote a book called Treating People Not Patients, as you probably know. It’s based on hospitality. It’s based on the hospitality promoted by Danny Meyer in his restaurants. And it's all about human connection and giving over-the-top customer service in a hospitable environment.

That’s what we do in our practice. But it’s important to do it in the greater world too.

The Bigger Picture

You’re always building your practice. You’re always building your life. You’re always building greater connections out there.

Having those great connections is going to make you a better person. It's going to make the world a better place. Because if we’re all loving and kind to each other, we wouldn’t have any wars. We wouldn’t have any anger in the streets. People wouldn’t be doing that.

We’d go, “Hey, we’re all human beings. We’re all connected—like the aspen trees.”

Those aspen trees—47,000 of them—they all get along because they all come from the same root system. By the way, we as human beings do too, on a spiritual level.

Be the gift.
Hopefully that was interesting for you. I love this topic. I love connecting with other people. And I see how it works in the world. It’s pretty cool.

Have a great day, everybody.