When Patients Come In, They’re Intimidated

When patients come in to see us, they’re intimidated. They’re fearful. They don’t connect with us. They want to see a doctor, but they’re afraid to relate to a doctor.

Even myself—and I am a patient as well—when I see a doctor, and they walk into the room, as happened yesterday when I was at the doctor’s office, I said, “Hi, doctor.” He said, “No, call me Stu.”

I said, “Okay, doctor.” But I still couldn’t do it. I wanted him to be a doctor. Because if he was a doctor, he would know so much more than me. He’d be able to take better care of me. By knowing more than me, he would be able to take better care of me. I respect him, but I’m also intimidated. I wasn’t able to call the guy Stu. I kept calling him doctor.

Titles Carry Weight

After we connected for a while, I started talking to him. I still didn’t call him Stu. It’s sort of like when a priest or rabbi comes in. I go, “Hello, Rabbi.” Or, “Hello, Father.” They say, “Call me by my first name.”

I have patients that are priests or rabbis, and I tend to call them by their title. Because they seem to have that aura around them.

Well, as doctors—especially dentists—we have that aura. People are scared to death of us. One of the things they’re scared of is the unknown. Most people are intimidated because they’re fearful. Fear is a driver of most human emotions. That kind of fear is really scary—for us and for them. It’s scary for us as patients and sometimes it’s scary for us as doctors as well.

Connecting With Patients

So what do I do when a patient comes in to see me? I try to connect with them. They say, “Hello, doctor.” I say, “Call me Mike.” If they want to call me Mike, they can. If they want to call me doctor, that’s fine. It doesn’t really matter at that point. But after I develop a relationship with them, they can call me either one. Either one is okay.

But we’re going to be at that level where we can connect. How do I connect with them? I say to them, “Imagine that I am the Wizard of Oz.”

The Wizard of Oz Analogy

Remember Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz? She was there with the Tin Man, the Scarecrow, the Lion, and Toto, of course. They got on the yellow brick road and they finally got to Oz. The Wizard was going to give them a heart, or a brain, or courage, and bring Dorothy back to Kansas.

The Wizard was making all this noise behind the drapes and they were scared. And finally, he pulled the drape open and guess who was there? It was just a man behind the curtain.

Just a Man Behind the Curtain

And that’s all we are. We’re just human beings behind the curtain. The curtain is the facade we put up there to protect us. Sometimes, it protects us from becoming too close. That facade is there to protect us from getting close to patients and becoming vulnerable.

But you can’t connect with someone if you’re a doctor. You can connect with someone if you’re Mike, or Joe, or Jose, or Mary, or Tina. That’s how you connect. You connect by becoming another human being.

You connect by removing that veneer and saying, “Listen, I’m just a human being, just like you. I’ve been to the doctor also. I’ve had dental care. I’ve had medical care. I’ve been to a cardiologist or whatever. I can connect with you as another human being.”

Vulnerability Is Strength

That’s really important. That’s key. It makes you vulnerable, but in that vulnerability is true strength. Strength comes from being able to be vulnerable, so that you can show the patient that you’ve also had that problem. Then, they can relate to you.

Yes, I’m just the Wizard of Oz. I’m a man behind the curtain. I know a lot about periodontal disease—that’s really all I know a lot about. I’m only an expert in that one field.

And by sharing that information, the patient goes, “Okay, thank you. Now we can talk. Now we can connect. And now, together, we can make the decision that’s in my best interest.”

Don’t Look Down

Because as a doctor, when I look down and tell people what to do, they’re scared. They just want to run out of there.

So the best thing you can give to your patients is to be vulnerable. Remove the drape. Remove the curtain. Walk out from behind that facade and say, “Hi, nice to meet you.”

But you have to be able to connect there. And you’ve got to take your time. You can’t do it quickly.

Actually, it doesn’t take much time. It just takes a minute. Just this much: “Nice to meet you. How can I help you today?”

And then the conversation starts.

Be the Gift

So next time you’re in a dental office and you’re seeing some of your patients—or if you’re a physician in a medical office—be the gift.

Tell them you’re just the Wizard of Oz. You’re just a man or woman that knows a little bit more about something they don’t. And then, you can truly help your patients.

Have a great day, everybody. And remember: Be the gift.