A Mentor’s Job Is Not to Make You Comfortable
Sep 08, 2026There is no shortage of advice in dentistry.
You can attend courses, watch surgeries, read articles, listen to podcasts, follow leaders online, and collect enough notes to last a lifetime. All of that can be valuable. But advice, by itself, does not create growth.
The real question is whether someone—or something—moves you from intention to action.
That is what I have learned from the mentors who have shaped me.
I have practiced periodontics for 40 years. I have seen thousands of patients, performed countless procedures, made mistakes, refined techniques, and learned how much more there is to learn.
Experience creates confidence, but it should also create humility. There are always clinicians who can see a case differently, perform a procedure with greater refinement, or challenge an assumption that has become too familiar.
Mentorship matters because it shortens the distance between where we are and what we are capable of becoming.
But not in the way many people think.
Mentorship Is Not Imitation
A mentor can share knowledge, perspective, and hard-earned experience. What they cannot do is hand you their judgment.
You still have to develop that yourself.
In clinical practice, this is especially important. You can watch an exceptional clinician perform a connective-tissue graft or manage a complex esthetic challenge. You can read the literature and understand the sequence. But until you apply the principle yourself—under real clinical conditions, with your own hands and decisions—you have not fully learned it.
That is why the goal of mentorship is not imitation. The goal is to test a better way of thinking until it becomes your own.
The best mentors do not demand that you become them. They help you become more capable of being yourself.
The Sunday-Morning Call
One of my most important mentors is Dr. P.D. Miller, a pioneering periodontist and a major influence in periodontal plastic surgery.
Years ago, after I gave a lecture, P.D. told me that I should write it up. I agreed. I meant it. But, as often happens, the work did not begin.
A few months later, P.D. called me at home on a Sunday morning.
He asked about the article. I told him I had not started it.
When he asked when I would finish, I gave him a vague answer: “I’ll get it done.”
He stopped me. “That’s not good enough,” he said. “I want a commitment.”
Then he asked me to state the commitment clearly, in my own name, with a date.
That distinction mattered.
A vague promise lets us preserve the image of being committed without accepting the cost of commitment. A date changes the conversation. A date forces a decision. A date gives another person permission to hold us accountable.
I gave P.D. a deadline. The article was written two months later and published soon after.
What I Learned About Accountability
That phone call did more than help me finish an article. It changed how I define mentorship.
A mentor is not simply someone who says, “You should do this.” A mentor is someone who cares enough to ask, “By when?”
That question is not controlling. It is generous.
When a respected mentor asks for a real commitment, they are telling you that your work matters.
They are telling you that they see value in what you might contribute. They are also reminding you that potential is not the same as execution.
This is one reason mentorship is so valuable at every stage of a career. Early on, mentors provide guidance when we lack experience. Later, they protect us from complacency. They challenge the stories we tell ourselves about being too busy, too experienced, or almost ready.
The right mentor sees through those stories.
How I Apply This With Patients
I use this principle in my practice as well.
Periodontal treatment is not a one-time transaction. Long-term success depends on the patient’s ongoing participation, including regular hygiene appointments and maintenance. I explain that clearly at the beginning.
If a patient is not willing to commit to the maintenance required after treatment, then we need to have an honest conversation before proceeding.
This is not about making patients uncomfortable. It is about respecting them enough to be truthful about what their treatment requires.
A good treatment plan without commitment is often a plan without a future.
The same is true in professional development. We can have the best course, the best mentor, and the best intentions. But if there is no commitment to action, nothing changes.
The Responsibility to Give It Back
The most meaningful lesson P.D. gave me was not simply to meet a deadline. It was to understand that mentoring is a responsibility that continues long after formal titles or positions end.
P.D. was already at a stage of life when he could have stepped back entirely. Instead, he made a phone call to help someone else contribute.
That is the model I hope to follow.
We all know people who have made us better. Some were professors. Some were colleagues. Some were leaders in entirely different fields. Some may be younger than us. The point is not to find a mentor who looks like us or has followed the exact same path. The point is to find people with the judgment, standards, and generosity to challenge us.
And then, when the time comes, we should be willing to do the same for someone else.
Do not just seek encouragement. Seek people who will ask more of you.
Do not just give advice. Help someone make a commitment.
And when the work matters, do not say “someday.” Give it a date.
